Tuesday, November 2, 2010


Do you ever find yourself being tired of things?  I mean not in the way of "wow, this was a hard day, I am tired" but more in a way of "i'm over it? kind of tired"  Well, it probably happens to me more and more in the past few years.  I am not sure what it is, but I just find myself not being as invested in things as I once was & that probably has to due with life changes & changes in my personality.  I am not over being involved with things or people, I just find that there are things that I once loved that I now could take it or leave it.  And with that other things have come along to fill those spots.  Oh well, I guess that's just the ebb & flow of life.  We all change in our likes, dislikes, etc.  It wouldn't be normal if we didn't.  I just feel that some times things would be simpler when there wasn't so much going on.  In a way it seems like a withdrawing tactic but it's not, it's just change & embracing new challenges.  And also has to do with what's a priority & what is not. 

I love the new things, people, challenges that are brought to me daily; it makes life interesting & constantly changing.  Just more doors opening & windows to peer through that God is allowing me to see.  Sometimes I am not sure why or how or what to do with the information or situation that is put before me & sometimes it totally stresses me out but I manage & I get through.  Part of that comes through the kids & what's going on in their life.  You know, their events, parties, playdates.  It's almost as if you lead two lives, your own then your children's, because until they are old enough to take themselves places you are right there in the trenches driving too & fro & helping with homework, coloring pictures, teaching, guiding, name it..and then there's the other side, which is the life you lead.  Where you try to do things for yourself, try to learn, grow, engage & then to throw in a husband, which also needs nurturing, loving & your paths have to cross & you have to do it all together or it'll fall apart.  A friend mentioned in our Sunday School class that it is almost like "our" life if on hold until we get past the growing years w/the kids.  And in a way, that's true!  We do put things on hold or the back favorite is "oh you can do that when the kids get bigger"..what is that all about?  Like there's just some magical age, where you can just say ok I am not your mom, you don't need my support or you don't have practices, games, plays etc that I need to go too, for now it's time to focus on me.  Yea, I don't see that one happening.  As I mentioned it's a fine line.  You have to be with the kids, live their life with them, focus on them but also not lose yourself.  I do a lot of activities & sometimes people say I don't know how you do it all, but sometimes I look at my life & there really is not a lot that I do.  I guess because I don't look at it as a list of "to do's" it's more of this is what I like to do & this is my life so I will make it work & it will work because it's what I want to do.  Which is why when you think of your life being on "hold" for a few years there is truth to that but it's also holds a lot of falseness..if that's even a word.  It's all about managing what's going on in everyone's life.  Could things be easier, sure they could! Could I do a better job in some areas, why yes, I could.  Do I sometimes not put up the laundry or do the dishes because I am running from here to bet ya.  But it all gets done at some point. 

And that brings me to the other stressor of life, trying to do it all & then giving yourself a hard time because it doesn't happen all at once.  There's the satisfy my needs, the needs of my family, house, others that all need to take place.  And when something is not done, you stress about it.  And I say you in a broad sense b/c I stress about it & I honestly believe it's in a females nature to worry & to try & do it all.  But it doesn't so mostly we spend a great deal of time, stressing about why we didn't get it done or how to get it done or why we can't get it done.  I think that's the big one, the why I can't get it done.  Why can't I do it all.  Why can't I take on the world & build Rome in one day! I mean that's realistic, right?  When we know it can't happen then why do we still stress about it?  Why do we compare ourselves to other moms, women, when we have no idea what is going on in their life.  I mean a spotless house doesn't mean a good life.  Also the mom's that have it all together or so we think could be empty inside.  I have to remind myself of that.  No one is perfect, including me.  I will do what I want, help out where I can, be there for all that need me & I will make it happen.  I will take it one day at a time & just keep on trucking!

Well enough heavy stuff.  On to the daily grind.  Today is Harrison's Birthday!  We're all taking him out to dinner tonight & yesterday was my mom's birthday so my folks are going too.  Harrison's mom was here & was supposed to go but she left today to go to see her sister.  And after today we get to take a break from birthday's.  Thank goodness, I feel like the past two weeks have been birthday central.  Now to focus on Thanksgiving & Christmas.  I just cannot believe how close both of those holidays are.  I mean holy smokes! There's not much to do to get ready for Thanksgiving but Christmas is always crazy.  Breathe in & Breathe out & back to my statement of "one day at a time" 

I have to finish the small city of laundry that is folded on my bed! Ugh, seriously who likes to put up clothes & if you say you do, you're lying.  Laundry & Dishes are bane of my existence! 

Oh & Go Vote today!

1 comment:

  1. Love and laugh lots and the rest will get done when it gets done. But that motto doesn't work very well when the kids are screaming, the laundry is piled up and the cat just puked on the rug.